Tour de Farce
Q) How many legs are there in the Tour de France?
A) I don't know, but try counting the number of bikes and times it by two.
Thursday 26 June 2008
Two jokes within 5 minutes? Unheard of.
Q: How did the motorist feel about the penalty they were given for driving too fast?
A: Fine.
One I've been meaning to post for ages...
Q: Where do Formula 1 drivers stay when they're in London?
A: The Lewisham Hilton.
Courtesy of Matt 'Fernando' Hull
Monday 23 June 2008
Contras get debriefed
In which South American country is women's underwear most popular?
Knicker-agua
Friday 20 June 2008
"And this footage of a container of nuclear waste being hit by an express train shows that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO FEAR from nuclear power!"
What do nuclear physicists put in their flower beds?
Depleted geraniums
Thursday 19 June 2008
Smirkish Turkish Vol.17
Q: What do you call a Turkish man celebrating his country's historic win over the Czech republic in the middle of Prague?
A: Doner Meat.
Smirkish Turkish Vol.16
Q: What do you call a Turkish man who is a Milliner for leg joints?
A: Knee-Hat!
Smirkish Turkish Vol.15
Q: What do you call a well fit turkish man between 2 houses when you've been waiting there for two fucking hours?
A: Fine-Ali.
Turkish Smirkish Vol.14
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses with no eye's?
Al
Turkish Smirkish Vol.12
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses on his own?
Lone-Ali
Turkish Smirkish vol.11
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses with a group of relatives?
Fam-Ali
Smirkish Turkish
What do you call a turkish reporter who works for an arabic tv channel standing in inbetween two houses?
Ali-Jazeera
Tuesday 17 June 2008
Monday 16 June 2008
No shirt, no shoes, no cake
Last week it was my friend George's birthday. All day he sat in his office, waiting for anyone to say anything, but there was nothing, no emails, no texts, no cake. So he goes home a little disappointed, but hey, he thinks, he's getting older, there's no reason people would care really... Anyway, he gets back to his house about seven, and he's like, well at least my wife will have laid something on for me - maybe she's made me a cake? Or maybe she'll open the door in just her knickers and whisk me off to bed. Sadly, he opened the door to find out that she was just watching The Weakest Link on TV.
"Darling, I'm home," he said to her, "I thought perhaps we could do something special for dinner tonight...?"
"Why," she replied, not getting the hint, "Is it some sort of special occasion?"
So by now he was getting pretty angry, since even his wife had forgotten his birthday. So he plonks himself on the sofa and sits in silence with her, watching nasty Anne Robinson on The Weakest Link.
"Oh, darling," his wife says after a while, "There was one thing..."
"Yes...?" George says, expectantly.
"Well, you know that old toaster we've got? The one in the loft? Can you get it down for me - my mother's asked us if she can use it."
"OK," he replies, miserably.
So off he trudges, up to the loft hatch, opens it up, pulls down the little ladder, climbs into the loft, and turns on the light.
"SURPRISE!" yell the hidden crowd. There were all his friends in the loft - Annie Jones, Annie Rogers, Annie Jenkins, Annie Leighton, Annie Stratford, Annie Ellis, Annie Olson, Annie Yakamoto, Annie Thompson, and Annie Penrose.
"ARGH!" screams George, and promptly collapses, passed out cold.
"Oh god, is he OK?" asked Annie Jenkins.
"Nobody panic, I'm a doctor," says Annie Leighton, and she leans over George, checks his breathing, his pulse and so on.
"It's OK everyone," she announces finally, "It's just a minor case of Annie filled attic shock."
Saturday 14 June 2008
Which one was the girl?
Did you hear that Hanson aren't actually American, they're Indian? It's true, they're from MMM-bai
Friday 13 June 2008
Band with the runs
What curry/ poultry combination do fans of 1970s Beatles spin-off projects like to eat?
Prawn makhani and wings
Lummy! That's a cracking skin condition, eh readers?
What comic do people with a melanin deficiency read?
The Albino
Thursday 12 June 2008
At Thurrock Lakeside, Staples Corner and Purley Way, Croydon!
Where do people who scratch plants live?
Fern-itcher Village
Wednesday 11 June 2008
Why
Q:Why do you have to be stoned and have a colourful personality to work in HR
A:Because its "Hue-man" resources dude.
Tuesday 10 June 2008
Smirkish Turklish Vol.10
What do you call a turkish man standing in betweeen two houses who is of obviously turkish?
Stereotypical-ali
Monday 9 June 2008
'ello, 'ello, 'ello
Q: Why did the Policeman raise his hand over the suspect's head?
A: Because he was under a wrist.
Sunday 8 June 2008
Friday 6 June 2008
Smirkish Turkish vol.9
Q: What do you call a Turkish boxer standing between two houses who central to Islamic faith?
A: Mohammed Ali.
Thursday 5 June 2008
Smirkish Turkish vol.8
Q: What do you call a Turkish man inbetween two houses who is a bit overfriendly?
A: Ali-Pally.
Smirkish Turkish vol.7
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses conducting science experiments?
Chemical-Ali
Turkish Smirkish vol.6
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses with his boy?
Ali-son
Smirkish Turkish vol.5
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses eating a vegetarian Indian food dish consisting of spiced potatoes and cauliflower?
Ali-Gobi
Smirkish turkish vol.4
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses who is a gangster?
Ali-G
Smirkish Turkish Vol.3
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses eating' The sweet you can eat between meals - without ruining your appetite"?
Ali-Way
Smirkish Turkish vol.2
What do you call a turkish man standing inbetween two houses holding a sheep?
Ali Baba
Monday 2 June 2008
I am listening to the musique of Téléphone
Q) What does a tax evader have in common with a kid learning french at school?
A) They both use a trick o'law
If you don't laugh at this, the terrists have already won
Q) Which terrorist leader has trouble carrying all his shopping?
A) Osama bin laden down with bags of shopping from Sainsbury's.
Sunday 1 June 2008
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