The Lead Pipe in the Drawing Room

Q: Which Cluedo character always needs a poo?

A: Colonel Must Turd.

Use zee little grey seeds!

Warning: This joke contains references of a football-related nature and should not be read by those with a Hirekatsu-like disposition

Which Aston Villa player has fifty different names for snow?

Emile Heskey-mo

My Mate John's Mate Leon Make Up This Gem!

Q: What do you call a nun who used to be a man who can pick up radio 4 on her braces?

A: A trans-sister-radio.


Great stuff! Thanks Leon, whoever you are!

Inuitticism

Q: How is cancer treated at the North Pole?

A: With Eskimotherapy.


This little gem is from the great Patroc Daltron, you can read his amusing rhetoric here!

Not very topical at all

What was the favourite talent show of the East German secret police?

Stasi-n Their Eyes

News Just In...

Q: Where will Stephen Gateley be buried in the cemetery?

A: In the Boy Zone.

Politics!

Which peer is head of a commitee dedicated to breeding noisier horses?

Lord More-whinney

A veil-iant effort

What's the best food to eat while wearing an Islamic veil?

Niqab-ockerglory

Gogogoch!

A: I climbed a mountain in Wales the other day; weather was awful!

B: Snowdon?

A: Well, it was more sleety, but that was still pretty bad!

Punchy

A man beat his wife up whilst getting dressed for work.

He was a cross dresser.

Grumpy Brass

Q: What do you call a prostitute who can't stop complaining and whinging about her rancid itchy minge?
A: A hormone.

Another honeymoon chortle

Q: At the French Open, what did John McEnroe say to the umpire, who also happened to be a duck?

A: You canard be serious.

Chili Sauce Bosphorous?

Q: How do you shut Donna up?

A: Shush Kebab

One I made up on honeymoon

Q: What do you call a person who gets turned on by Greek cheese?

A: A Fetashist.

If you've got a problem, if no one else can help, try your mum.

Post A-Team, what is Dirk Benedict's favourite band?

Face No More