A nice day for a potter

Heavy metal.

Q: Why did no-one trust the steel-worker's products?
A: Because he was a forger.

Man-to-man coverage

Q: Where do gay football fans go for a weekend break? A: Man City

Do the ironing

We don't have Pepsi, is Coke OK?

Bridge over the river pun

A: I say, I say, I say: A friend of mine recently had an argument with his wife on a bridge.
B: Cantilever?
A: Well I suppose so, but they patched things up in the end, so best to just let sleeping dogs lie, I'd say.

Colonel

Q: What was Libyas favourite cartoon?
A:Gaddafi Duck

Jokey Joke Joke

Which part of London was built from beer kegs?

Maida Vale

Have I posted this before?

New obscenity legislation means that the Cerne Abbas Giant must now be depicted as clothed. Apparently, his new outfit will be designed by Tommy Hill-figure.

Wobbly Legs

Why is the Lord of the Dance such a terrible taxi driver?

Because Flatley will get you nowhere.

Up the duff

Q: Why was the pregnant woman so irritable?

A: Because she was using a TENSE machine.

Italian humour

Q: How much does a single piece of pasta cost?

A: One penne.

This jokes a bit ruff

Who do Battersea Dogs' Home buy from when they want to build a new extension?

Poundstretcher

Hollywood Toilet Humour

Colonel

Q:Why did the kids on the street respect Gaddafis son?
A: Cos he woz Saif.

And another!

What's Richard Hammond's name for doing the drying-up?

Tea-towel Wipeout

If a joke is told in a forest and ther's nobody to hear it, does get a laugh? Not if it's this one.

"I say, I say, I say, I've been asked to attend a music ceremony to present an award for best female singer of the '60s. It's in Hawaii."

"Honolulu?"

"No, I think it's going to be Sandie Shaw."

Anything to put off writing my essay

Q: What do you call a qualification in jealousy?

A: An Envy Q.

Hello again!

What did John Donne/ Ernest Hemingway/ Metallica say when they discovered that their clothing accessories had been adapted to fit a much smaller man?

"For whom the belt holes?"

My 'breadst' (best) joke ever! (Not really)

Why do the manufacturers of Hovis, Kingsmill and Warburton's all have weird genetic defects?

Because they're in bread

The punchline may have come first with this one.

How do plastic surgeons get bovine draft animals onto seagoing craft?

With a boat-ox injection

Wicked leeks and potato soup.

It has been released in the national press today that the internet based Wikkileaks is threatening to release a lot of sensitive information about world leaders,governments and regimes.

A secret dossier about to be leaked on the site has reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong is not well, his top commanding officer has said that he is infact very il.

Has the fire gone out of your relationship?

Where do lumps of coal got to find their soulmate?

Carbon dating websites

No punch line, no pun, just something silly, wot I made.

Its been a long time

The BBC News team lost out at the annual Broadcasters News awards ceremony last night. A very bitter and bad loosing Zeinab was reported to say "Bad-awi..?" as she stuck her fingers up at their SKY rivals.Hue Edwards was so ashamed he changed colour.

Football joke- it's been a while

What do you call a unicellular organism that plays football?

Shola Amoeba

The Diving Bell and the Social Butterfly

Where do divers go to pick up chicks?

To a flirtation tank

I see the light!

Q: Where do you put a criminal beam of light?

A: In prisim.

Why am I doing this?

What do you call a boxer made out of vapour?

Gaseous Clay

I'm back! Where is everyone?

What do you call a Jedi who can use his supernatural powers to cure headaches?

Anadin Skywalker