Too soon?

I hear the trains from Paddington are really bad, people can find themselves hanging around at the station for up to six days.

And a one, and a two, and one two three...

Q: What do you call a serviette that sings Jazz?

A: Napkin Cole.

And to think they grew up into those naughty Iraqis...

Which ancient people ate the most rusks?

The Baby-lonians

UN Joke Atrocity

Q: Did you hear about the new car on the market that can fit two mercenaries in the front and three child soldiers in the back?

A: It's called the Ford Sierra Leone.

It's What All The Hipsters In Yerevan Are Wearing

Can't believe nobody thought of this one before!

Why didn't the roll-on deodorant like the spray deodorant?

Because he was an aerosol

Word!

Why don't gangster rappers believe in traditional medicine?

Because they prefer homie-opathy

The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one at this time of night with the roadworks on the M1

Which classic science fiction author liked to drive a lorry?

HGV Wells

If Authors Were Fish #1

Better When not Told Than Told

A: I went to the Channel Islands at the weekend. It was so cold I had to put on an extra layer of clothing.

B: Jersey?

A: No, I think it was a tank top.

Bit of a stretch...

What do eskimoes say when their suspicions are confirmed over some matter or other?

Inuit!

Everything I know about fashion, I learned from Back to the Future

Which designer label likes to climb steep slopes?

Calv Incline

Apocalypse soon. Just let me finish this game first...

Which actor is most fond of Chinese tile games?

Mah-jong Brando

Gorvinda

Q: Which BBC Journalist is a massive fan of Kula Shaker?

A: "George Alagiah - giah

George Alagiah - giah

Radha - ramanahari

George Alagiah - giah"

Welcome to the Jungle... of the psyche!

Who is the most self-conscious rock band in the world?

Guns 'n' Neuroses

Sarkozy's New Playing Field

Q: Who is the most conservative player at Arsenal?

A: Kolo Tory. But Eboue is more right wing. And Gallas is a right cunt.



Courtesy of Mike "Prince" Albert. Top work from a top chap.

Odd

Why does the easter bunny suffer from PMT?

Too much easter-ogen

Dr

Q: What do green eggs and ham have in common with the ancient greeks?
A: Zeus

Dog eggs

Q:What do embryologists and Easter have in common?
A: Eggs

Vermin

Q: Why are squirrels so jealous of teachers?
A: Because they are not invited to the NUT conference.

left right left...

Q:Why did the Generals troops do most of the things he said most of the time.

A:Because he was generally speaking.

Historical (s)laughter

Q. What's the funniest bank holiday film epic?

A. Ben hur hur hur he he he ha ha

Catches flies just like flies....

Q: Why is Spiderman so good at Free Running?

A: Because by day he is Peter Parkour.

Which came first...?

Q: Why did all the Hens rise up and overthrow the head Cock on the farm?

A: It was a Chicken Coup.

Obvious, really...

What type of insect eats mosques?

A Mosque-eato

For Fuck's Sake, Not Again....

Q: Where in the USA do they go to watch the likes of Andy Murray, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal?

A: Tennessee.

Scraping The Bottom Of Dionysus's Barrel

Athenian: "There's not much to see on Crete."

Spartan: "Really?!? What about the Palace of Knossos? Gortyn? The ruins of Phaistos?"

Athenian: "Apparently alls thats there is a minor tour."



Said best in a Cornish accent for some reason.

Generic Police joke...

Q: Why don't the Police like emails?

A: Because they like to stick to the fax.

Heroes of the New Romantics: The Cumin League

More Crisps Fun

What type of crisps do Muslim leaders eat?

Sultan Vinegar