A bad joke but it's no worse than an episode of Friends.

Q: Where in Hampshire does Matthew Perry park his Mondeo?

A: Chandler's Ford.

Coo Coo

Q: Why do the birds in Trafalgar Square need language lessons?

A: Because they only speak pidgin English.

I wasn't sure how to spell this punchline

What do you call someone who quotes contentious facts while raping children?

A Wikipediaphile

A topical joke. How very quick off the ball...

Q: Why is Peter Andre jealous of the head of the Catholic Church?

A: Because the Pope is in Jordan.

I'm not really sure what this would involve

Why did the man with scary forearms become dangerously radicalised when he was sent to prison?

Because he was put in a terror-wrist cell

Another tennis joke...

Which tennis player is famous for her rendition of 'Freak on a Leash'?

Anna KoRn-Cover

Warning: VERY obscure football joke

Which Liverpool reserve player was named in honour of a contest in which God beat the devil to a portion of coveted ants' urine?

God-win Ant-wee

I don't even like these kinds of jokes and I'm pretty sure someone must've made it before, but still... why not?

What do you call a man with no arms, legs or penis having sex?

Fuck nose

That can't be original, surely...

Some of this legal stuff can be a real maize

Why are the people of Iran so generous with their corn?

Because they live under share-ear law

Nothing For Money

Q: Why did Mark Knopfler look so distressed?

A: Because he was in Dire Straits.

IKEA fun!

IKEA have ran out of the names they use for their furniture and have started using the names of famous sportsmen and women of late. The latest addition to their kitchen range?

Anna Kornacupboard

I Can't See If This Works, But I Hope It Does!

Q: What do you call a person who thinks that the glasses are half full, but would be more useful with prescription lenses?

A: An Optometrist.

Who Wants To Be An Internet Pirate?

Q: Which quiz show host is super fast at downloading?

A:Chris Torrent.


Once again, kudos to Patrick Dalton for creating a masterpiece, strong work chum!

Hi, first time caller, long time listener....

In a derivation of the very respectable hue jokes, here's a little contribution of my own.

I hope it passes muster as a first attempt. 

Onwards and upwards, pip pip!

hue fernley whittingstall

Now Then, Now Then, Now Then

Q: Where can you find the finest tracksuits money can buy?

A: Jimmy Savile Row.

Shhh! Football joke!

Which lower division football team practices witchcraft, albeit poorly?

Wiccan Wanderers

God Hates Jazz

Q: Why did the police search the monastry for stolen musical instruments?

A: They had a tip off that there was a Thelonious Monk living there.

Pagan Plagiarism

alternate version;

Q: Which television personality is most likely to be sacrificed by a baying mob?

A: Alan Whicker, man!

Apparently they call themselves 'Sydneysiders', the twats.

Where do people from Sydney go to do their online shopping?

Bought-on-e Bay

A sports joke that Hirekatsu might like!

Why did the sports fan get so much pleasure from watching a bumblebee having sex with a doormat?

Because he loved to watch rug-bee union

No win, No fee.

Hue Laurie

Huey Lewis

Hue Edwards

Comes in handy when camping it up

What do you call a big sheet of flexible plastic that writes songs for Elton John?

Bernie Tarpaulin

Bad music joke

Q: Why did the singer from Kings of Leon have such hot feet?

A: Because his socks is on fire.

A great, great man. Now to mock him in death!

Which former Liverpool manager ate all the pies?

Bob Pastry

Dial M For Transexual Services

Q: Which film director was a member of the transgender community?

A: Alfred Bitchcock.

Courtesy of Patrick 'His Name is Patrick Dalton' Dalton. Strong work chap!

Obscure Trafford

Q: What's the difference between Manchester United's left back Evra and Arsenal's assistant manager?

A: One's called Patrice, the other Pat Rice.

That one's for you Hirekatsu!