Cosmic Horse- finger on the pulse
Why was Shilpa Shetty so upset when somebody gave her an expenseive green jewel as a present?
Because she doesn't like jade goodies
Monday, 7 September 2009
Interesting image
Which Grammy award-winning composer wrote the Pink Panther theme while wearing a revealing item of male swimwear?
Henry Mankini
Friday, 4 September 2009
A quivering, gelatinous chunk of mystery meat
A) My wife went to a restaurant in south-east London the other day - the food was dreadful, like something you'd feed your pet.
B) Catford?
A) No, more like dog food, but horrible all the same.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Sunday, 23 August 2009
A very convenient pun
Why do mathematicians love it when Bill Clinton's vice president dances?
Because he uses Al Gore rhythms
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Betblah blah de blah blah blah
A: My friend from the North West is very concerned about ethical eating habits.
B: Vegan?
A: No, I think he's from Ormskirk
Monday, 17 August 2009
Better when blah blah blah
A: When I go to visit my friends, they always make sure I have a nice warm cover on my bed.
B: Do they?
A: Well, it's more of an old-fashioned bedspread, but it's a very nice gesture nonetheless.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Just weird
Why did the racist Cumberland sausages decide to commit genocide against their smooth, red-skinned and extra spicy brethren?
Because they said they came from a primitive saveloysation
Football joke. It's been a while.
Which Arsenal player is made entirely of pasta and mince?
Bacary Lasagne
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Now for something not very different at all
Q. Where does dead muesli get interred?
A. In a muesoleum
Thursday, 30 July 2009
This will be the last funny place name joke. I promise.*
Q: Where do randy French men like to go?
A: Here.
*Not strictly a real promise.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Quantum Physics 2
Q. How was Sam in Quantum Leap outclassed in his David Bowie impersonation?
A. Ziggy played guitar
Monday, 27 July 2009
Big Man On Campus
Q: Why should you always praise Robert Altman, but never David Fincher?
A: Don't hate The Player, hate The Game.
Friday, 24 July 2009
From out of Nowhere
Why was the pilot able to see the faraway drawing pins strewn in his path before take-off?
Because he was tack-seeing down the runway
Thursday, 23 July 2009
Ping Pong Sing Song
Q: What do Roger Federer and a chat-room groomer have in common?
A: They both lurk about the net looking to smash little balls.
could use a little work! Any suggestions?
Saturday, 18 July 2009
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Flogging The Unfunny Horse
Mr Pantomime: "Sorry, do you know where my best years are?"
Mr Entertainment History: "They're behind you!"
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Allegedly
Which affable cockney actor likes to cut the dermis off prostitutes and parade around in jackets made from their desecrated flesh?
Bob Ho-skins
Monday, 6 July 2009
There Is No Redemption For This One
Q: How do Germans greet a Hollywood star who's just been released after a night in the cells?
A: Guten Morgan Freeman.
Better read than said number whatever number it is
Why do they only employ Australians or New Zealanders as dean at the multi-faith ant/ hippo university?
Because they're ant-hippo-deans
Friday, 3 July 2009
Hello ladies - No. 2 (essentially the same joke as the previous one)
Q: Why couldn't any of the women understand the single man's handwriting?
A: Because he was an illegible bachelor.
Hello ladies - No. 1
Q: Why did all the women want to use the same kitchen utensil to flip their pancakes?
A: Because it was an eligible spatula.
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