Get On Up! Oh, No You Can't.

1) James Brown died on Christmas Eve, which was unfortunate as he had just bought his Papa a brand new bag.

2)Papa's got a brand new bag. A body bag.

Oh God, Please Stop

Q: What do you call a Killer Whale musical ensemble?

A: An Orca-stra

A Long Time Ago, In A Glacial Valley Far Far Away...

Oscar Winning Joke

Q: What do you call an actor who drinks hot honey based beverages and has a family of rabbits living up his bum?

A: Warren Bee Tea (Warren Beatty)

Goebbels Would Be Proud

PropaGander


PropaUganda

Diana Ross PHD

Q: What was the most academic band at Motown?

A: The Three degrees.

Gin & Teutonic

Q: What do you call a thin German?

A: Dieter

Murder Inc Is No Laughing Matter

Q: Where does JA Rule's singing prodigy live?

A: In Ashanti Town (a shanty town).

Just Like Mama Used To Make

Q: What do you get if you cross a pervert with a pasta sauce?

A: Sex Pesto.

Dotcomedy

Q: What do you call drunken internet searches?

A: Beer Googles

Would Dick Whittington Approve?

Vlad The Child Impaler

Q: What do you get if you cross the author of Dracula with a paedophile?

A: Pram Stroker

Maths = Fun!

Q: Where do mathematicians go when they're horny?

A: Mobius strip clubs

Yudetide Silliness

Q: What do you call a British playwright who's afraid of Christmas?

A: Noel Coward.

All American Lawn Tennis Association

WimbleDon King


WimbleDon Corleone


WimbleDon(ald) Duck

Salad Days

1) Q: What is Herbie Hancock's favourite salad?

A: Rocket

2) I ran into Elton John the other day. We had a little chat, the conversation was a bit stilted so I asked him what his preferred salad was. He replied that he was a Rocket Man.

Recipes From The LA Underground...

Q: What was the name of George Peppard's ("Hannibal" Smith in the A-Team) proposed cookery show?

A: "I Love It When A Flan Comes Together"

The Korant Bun

Q: Why are Muslims so laid back?

A: Because they don't give a Ramadamn.

If You Go Down To The Woods Today...

Q: What do you call a French bear attack victim?

A: Claude

I Like The Pope. The Pope Smokes Hope.

Travis Bickle: Man of Jokes

Travis Fickle



Travis Pickle



Travis Sickle-cell Anemia

Philosophy in Action

Q: Do bears shit in the woods?

A: No, they use a toilet like other gay people.

A New Low

Q: What do you call a man with a car and a misspelt citrus fruit on his head?

A: Jack Lemmon

Michael Jackson Lightbulbesque Joke

Q: How many men does it take to change Michael Jackson?

A: Only one, but he has to be IN the Mirror.

Lightbulb Joke

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: Only the one, but must REALLY want to change.

A Funny Tern

I can't take credit for either joke, however I am the first person I know to combine them.

Encoding Jokes 2: The Dreaded Return

Q: Why does Noah never look anamorphic?

A: Because he always uses his ARC.

(For those with real, meaningful jobs this means Aspect Ratio Converter)

Cutty Sarky

Or Sarky Cutty Sark or Cutting Sark.

When Tom Carlin went to France...

Tom went to a restaurant in Paris recently. He sat down at a table and called the waiter over.
"Oi Garcon, you got any frog's legs?"
"Oui, Monseuir" The waiter answered.
"Well hop over there and get me a cheese sarnie... YOU FRENCH CUNT"

A lovely addition to a classic. From the man who bought you this. And this.

Encoding Jokes

Two terrible jokes from the world of encoding video in post production...

1)
Q: What do you call a Jewish digital media file?

A: AVI

2)
Q: What do you call James Bond when he's infront of an open fire, drinking single malt whisky?

A: A Content Agent

(This is what an AVI and a Content Agent is for those who haven't had the pleasure)