Comic Art
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Friday, 26 October 2007
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Give the Pun Man a Break
Zoe Ball: So, Fatboy Slim, what road do people have to use to get to Devon from Hampshire?
Fatboy Slim : Everybody needs A303.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
The smug, druggy bastard! He doesn't even exist! I do!
What is Sherlock Holmes' favourite African country?
Ethiopium
I dictate that you will like this joke.
Q: Which African dictator is very good at their accounts and filing?
A: Idi Admin.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside.
Q: What two places in England do people want to visit again and again?
A: Andover and Dover.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Top Tip (at 12.5%)
Guys, if you're ever in a restaurant, and a waiter accidentally spills soup in your lap, never miss the opportunity to say: "Waiter waiter, there's soup in my fly."
From the Office of Cultural Misunderstandings
I met a rastafarian guy on holiday.
"Do you think it's going to rain?" I asked him.
"Yeah, mon, soon."
"Really? That bad?"
True story...
I was in the pub the other day, paying for some food. I had to pay using my switch card, so the Japanese girl working behind the bar gave me the card terminal thing, I typed my PIN in, and gave it back to her. The resulting conversation follows:
Her: "What's your PIN?"
Me: "Er, what?"
Her: "Your PIN?"
Me: "I've put it in already!"
Her: "Er... No, your pin... Your badge."
Me: "Ah, I see... It's a badger."
Her: "Yes, a badge... What is it?"
Me: "A badger."
Her: "A badge."
Me: "It's a badger."
Her: "Er... Ah! A badger... What's a badger?"
Me: "Um...? It's like a... Wild animal that lives in England... Like a dog, but not a dog... Black and white, big, pointy teeth and claws."
Her: "I've never heard of a badger before!"
Me: "???"
Cock-block
A: I met an interesting girl down the pub the other day... We were playing one of those pub games. You know the one, with the big wooden blocks you stack up and you take turns to remove without knocking the tower down.
B: Giant Jenga?
A: Well, she is tall, but her name's not Jeng.
Bus-ted
I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt I was driving a bus, collecting fares and working the route. When I woke up my bed was in Peckham and I had twenty passengers.
Visual Jokes #2
"What's this?" you ask.
Then, with hand flat, and palm down, sweep your hand around as it's flying on the wind.
"It's a... Hand glider!"
I know, I know, they're called "Hang gliders" really... But how many people get that wrong?
Monday, 15 October 2007
The Russians are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!
Q: What do you call a strange Russian leader?
A: BeCzar.
Sunday, 14 October 2007
Despite their dogged determination
Q: Why are dalmations crap at hide and seek?
A: Because they're always spotted
Saturday, 13 October 2007
Probably The Worst Bounty Hunter Joke Ever
Q: Why shouldn't a debt-collector rest on his laurels?
A: Because one's a bailiff and the other's a bay leaf.
Friday, 12 October 2007
Thursday, 11 October 2007
Works Better When Read than Said #3 - A rubbish joke.
Bob: The binmen where I live are crap, they wont take the rubbish away.
Bill: Why is that?
Bob: Because they use a Refuse Truck.
Literature In Disguise
Q: Which Muriel Spark novel transforms into a fuck off massive truck?
A: The Optimus Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Combine Harvester for sale. £800
Q: Which bearded westcountry singer is currently awaiting execution?
A: Death row Tull
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
May the farce be with you
Q: What does the director of Star Wars like to drink?
A: Fizzy C3POP.
Q: Interesting, what brand does he like?
A: Lucasade.
Monday, 8 October 2007
Meat and no veg.
Q: What band do anti vegitarians listen to?
A: Tofu Fighters.
Also.... Lesbians should be called 'Vagitarians'.
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