I like this one

Why was the morbid ancient Egyptian ruler offered a member of his court to fellate while he was planning a double funeral for himself and his Queen?

Because he said he wanted two sarcophagi

La la la

Q: Why did the pop starlett have a bloody nose and bogies on her fingers?

A: Because she Pixie Lott.

Tinky-Winky, Blitzkrieg, La La... Po

Why did the Israeli secret service arrest one of the Teletubbies when he appeared on another children's programme?

Because they were after the guest-star-Po

The blog seems to be dying, hopefully this death based joke will save it.

Q: What did Haley Joel Osment say when walking through a graveyard on a frosty morning?

A: Icy dead people.

Just a Quickie

What should you prescribe to somebody with low self esteem?

Complimentary medicine

Fagin

I saw someone pickpocket a midget the other day.
How could someone stoop so low..?

My Way

Q: What did Frank Sinatra say when he was asked if he had eaten enough herons?

A: "Egrets! I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention."

A 7 year old made up this joke last week

Q: What is a fish's favourite website?

A: An official website.



Props to an child at a school in west London that shall remain anonymous.

Causality In Effect

Q: Why do you vomit everywhere if you drink too much American lager?

A: Because it's Coors and Effect.

Two in one day- this is more like it!

Why did the angry mob attack the baker who obsessively put mange tous in all his products?

Because he was a pea/dough-phile

First homemade joke in ages- my muse has left me!

Why was the camping obsessive arrested when he had a lie-in on holiday?

Because he was loitering within tent

To The Point

Q: Why are round things shit?

A: Because they are fucking pointless.

Dishonourable Discharge

Q: Which is the randiest helicopter?

A: The Chinookie.

Sartre's Little Helper

Q: Why did the French existential kitten do a poo in the garden?

A: Because it chat itself.

One For Cosmic Horse

Q: Which Polish goalkeeper has many sides?

A: Jerzy Dudekahedron.

Does This Actually Make Sense?

Q: How do you honour unclean teeth?

A: With plaque.

I Found The Missing Joke Book!!!!!!

Q: Why are sailors never late for a wedding?

A: Because it's maritime.

There is only a few left but hopefully it will get the creative juices running.

Its gone a bit quiet around here lately...

Q: How do buffalo celebrate their 200th birthday?

A: They have a bisontenary.


Courtesy of Matt 'Fernando' Hull.

The Lead Pipe in the Drawing Room

Q: Which Cluedo character always needs a poo?

A: Colonel Must Turd.

Use zee little grey seeds!

Warning: This joke contains references of a football-related nature and should not be read by those with a Hirekatsu-like disposition

Which Aston Villa player has fifty different names for snow?

Emile Heskey-mo

My Mate John's Mate Leon Make Up This Gem!

Q: What do you call a nun who used to be a man who can pick up radio 4 on her braces?

A: A trans-sister-radio.


Great stuff! Thanks Leon, whoever you are!

Inuitticism

Q: How is cancer treated at the North Pole?

A: With Eskimotherapy.


This little gem is from the great Patroc Daltron, you can read his amusing rhetoric here!

Not very topical at all

What was the favourite talent show of the East German secret police?

Stasi-n Their Eyes

News Just In...

Q: Where will Stephen Gateley be buried in the cemetery?

A: In the Boy Zone.

Politics!

Which peer is head of a commitee dedicated to breeding noisier horses?

Lord More-whinney

A veil-iant effort

What's the best food to eat while wearing an Islamic veil?

Niqab-ockerglory

Gogogoch!

A: I climbed a mountain in Wales the other day; weather was awful!

B: Snowdon?

A: Well, it was more sleety, but that was still pretty bad!

Punchy

A man beat his wife up whilst getting dressed for work.

He was a cross dresser.

Grumpy Brass

Q: What do you call a prostitute who can't stop complaining and whinging about her rancid itchy minge?
A: A hormone.