Return of a classic theme

What do you call someone who like to have sex with plasticine?

A play-dohphile

Can't think of a title for this one

Why did Josh Homme get thrown out of Boots?

Because he tried to use them crooked vouchers.

The skies have cracked open.

Q: Why did EasJet start employing roosters and hens?

A: They needed staff for their chicken desk.

Music!

Which rock band only allows neurotic, obsessive people, who perform the same small, meaningless tasks again and again, to join their ranks?

OCDC

Geography!

Why did all the weasly crawlers decide to leave Portsmouth and the surrounding area?

Because they were sick of Hants.

Latin!

Where do very proactive people go to buy their flooring?

Carpet Diem

I wonder if there is such a place..?

Where do R&B producers go to buy materials for a log cabin?

Timber Land

Sort of true, I suppose

Which boxer was always going on about different religious traditions and beliefs?

Mohammed R.E.

Shiver Me Little Gray Cells

Original joke by Mrs De La Resistance

Fruity

Q: Why did the food seller get the sack?

A: He committed an act of grocer misconduct.

Take a Wee on the Wild Side (how grown-up)

Which 1960s singer-songwriter also does a good line in toilet books?

Lou Reed

Cat in a Crown

Q: What do you call a french monarch running a feline prostitution ring?

A: Louis Cat-whores.


Courtesy of Russell Newlove

Oh my! (Said in Georgia accent. That's Georgia as in the American State, not the Eastern European country)

Which Wacky Races character likes to go out and get lagered up?

Penelope Pissed-up

Like Casino, But Worse

Q: What's a wiseguy's favourite game?

A: Badabingo.

Yeah, I Went There

Q: Why are there no dress sizes in subterranean Austria?

A: Because one size Fritzl.

Sweet Home South West London

Q: What do you call a rocking bird with no eyes that doesn't like flying?

A: Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Work it, baby

Which 'photographer of freaks' has four engines and a cruising speed of 945 km/h?

Diane Airbus

Highbrow Literacy Pun

Q: Why did the drug user get high on small linguistic units that have semantic meaning?

A: He was addicted to morpheme.

Not very good

What do you call an American president who plays lots of sacred music on a harpsichord?

Baroque Obama

Tossca

Q: What do you call an impotent tenor?

A: Flaccido Domingo

The Boring Straights

Q: Which is the most pedantic body of water?

A: The Specific Ocean.

Do Liza Minnelli!

'Twas brillig and the slithey fool was not getting on no plane

What's Mr. T's favourite nonsense verse?

Jibba-jabbawocky

Ball Ball Ball!

Q: Which football team is made up of players who are all a bit ill?

A: Man Flunited.

Nom nom nom nom

Q: Why was the man, who had recently eaten a load of food, feeling grumpy?

A: Because he had just been fed up.

"You walk with Jesus..."

In TV show The Wire, I can't remember the name of Avon Barksdale's right hand man but his face does ring a bell.

Dave Says

How does the lead singer of Jane's Addiction see things?

He uses his Perry-Farrell vision

Music Video Directors To My Ears!

Q) What lotion does Kevin Godley use to make him laugh?

A: LOL Creme.


Esoteric link alert.

Hit TV Pitch

Did you hear about Channel 4's new show in which farmers go to each others harvests and secretly rate each other?

It's called 'Combine With Me'.

Hola

Q: Why were the unruly people no longer allowed in the bar owned by an Oscar winning Spanish actor?

A: Javier Bardem.