Hello again!

What did John Donne/ Ernest Hemingway/ Metallica say when they discovered that their clothing accessories had been adapted to fit a much smaller man?

"For whom the belt holes?"

My 'breadst' (best) joke ever! (Not really)

Why do the manufacturers of Hovis, Kingsmill and Warburton's all have weird genetic defects?

Because they're in bread

The punchline may have come first with this one.

How do plastic surgeons get bovine draft animals onto seagoing craft?

With a boat-ox injection

Wicked leeks and potato soup.

It has been released in the national press today that the internet based Wikkileaks is threatening to release a lot of sensitive information about world leaders,governments and regimes.

A secret dossier about to be leaked on the site has reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong is not well, his top commanding officer has said that he is infact very il.

Has the fire gone out of your relationship?

Where do lumps of coal got to find their soulmate?

Carbon dating websites

No punch line, no pun, just something silly, wot I made.

Its been a long time

The BBC News team lost out at the annual Broadcasters News awards ceremony last night. A very bitter and bad loosing Zeinab was reported to say "Bad-awi..?" as she stuck her fingers up at their SKY rivals.Hue Edwards was so ashamed he changed colour.

Football joke- it's been a while

What do you call a unicellular organism that plays football?

Shola Amoeba

The Diving Bell and the Social Butterfly

Where do divers go to pick up chicks?

To a flirtation tank

I see the light!

Q: Where do you put a criminal beam of light?

A: In prisim.

Why am I doing this?

What do you call a boxer made out of vapour?

Gaseous Clay

I'm back! Where is everyone?

What do you call a Jedi who can use his supernatural powers to cure headaches?

Anadin Skywalker

Wogan dines on offspring of disgraced BBC workers- bong!

What does Terry Wogan serve at his annual mediaeval banquet/ cannibalism theme night?

BBC Children in Mead

Thought up in Asda

What do you call a caveman who just wanders around aimlessly?

A meanderthal

Mil quatro cientos noventa dos!

What do you call a Spanish woman who lives on a diet of sea shells?

Conchita

Sick... but delicious

Where were jews resident in rural Bavaria interned before being moved on to their eventual fate in the concentration camps?

The Black Forest Ghetto

I like driving in my car...

We were heading up the M1 the other day and there was a sign that said "Don't drive tired." I thought "what else am I supposed to put on my wheels?"

Maybe my least favourite person in the world... including all murderers, rapists and so on.

What do you call an R 'n' B singer who has been cast out from polite society?

Pariah Carey

No Whey!

Q: Why did little miss Muffet pop over to Iraq when she was peckish?

A: Because she heard there was loads of Kurds over there.

A theme is developing...

Where do Russians do a shit when they don't have easy access to a toilet?

In the Vladimir Poo-tin

Communist Good Housekeeping

Q: How does Mikhail Gorbachev view the world?

A: From behind his ironed curtains.

I like this one

Which former communist country was made entirely from napkins?

The Serviette Union

More Thundercats

What do panthropologists use on the floor of their kitchens?

Lion-o

Poor, Neglected Homemade Jokes

What do you call someone who studies Thundercats?

A Panthropologist

Couldn't think of a way to work 'knickerless' into this, sadly

How does the president of France keep his woodwork tools warm?

He uses his saw-cosy

Carcrash humour

Q: How do you steal a motor in Central America?

A: Nickajaguar

MILF Hunters

Q: What do you call a Jazzman that can't stop wanking?

A: Herbie Handcock

J'aime le comedie!

Q: Which French pop starlet and actor likes pastiche songs?

A: Vanessa Parody.

An Oliver Stone film- coming this Fall

Where do female TV presenters go to get assassinated?

Cat Deeley Plaza

Bodacious Bonnet!

Q: What's the best hat in the world?

A: The Awesomebrero.