Tuesday, 26 December 2006

Get On Up! Oh, No You Can't.

1) James Brown died on Christmas Eve, which was unfortunate as he had just bought his Papa a brand new bag.

2)Papa's got a brand new bag. A body bag.

Sunday, 24 December 2006

Oh God, Please Stop

Q: What do you call a Killer Whale musical ensemble?

A: An Orca-stra

Saturday, 23 December 2006

A Long Time Ago, In A Glacial Valley Far Far Away...

Oscar Winning Joke

Q: What do you call an actor who drinks hot honey based beverages and has a family of rabbits living up his bum?

A: Warren Bee Tea (Warren Beatty)

Friday, 22 December 2006

Goebbels Would Be Proud



Thursday, 21 December 2006

Diana Ross PHD

Q: What was the most academic band at Motown?

A: The Three degrees.

Wednesday, 20 December 2006

Gin & Teutonic

Q: What do you call a thin German?

A: Dieter

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Murder Inc Is No Laughing Matter

Q: Where does JA Rule's singing prodigy live?

A: In Ashanti Town (a shanty town).

Saturday, 16 December 2006

Just Like Mama Used To Make

Q: What do you get if you cross a pervert with a pasta sauce?

A: Sex Pesto.

Friday, 15 December 2006


Q: What do you call drunken internet searches?

A: Beer Googles

Thursday, 14 December 2006

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

Vlad The Child Impaler

Q: What do you get if you cross the author of Dracula with a paedophile?

A: Pram Stroker

Maths = Fun!

Q: Where do mathematicians go when they're horny?

A: Mobius strip clubs

Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Yudetide Silliness

Q: What do you call a British playwright who's afraid of Christmas?

A: Noel Coward.

All American Lawn Tennis Association

WimbleDon King

WimbleDon Corleone

WimbleDon(ald) Duck

Monday, 11 December 2006

Salad Days

1) Q: What is Herbie Hancock's favourite salad?

A: Rocket

2) I ran into Elton John the other day. We had a little chat, the conversation was a bit stilted so I asked him what his preferred salad was. He replied that he was a Rocket Man.

Saturday, 9 December 2006

Recipes From The LA Underground...

Q: What was the name of George Peppard's ("Hannibal" Smith in the A-Team) proposed cookery show?

A: "I Love It When A Flan Comes Together"

Friday, 8 December 2006

The Korant Bun

Q: Why are Muslims so laid back?

A: Because they don't give a Ramadamn.

Thursday, 7 December 2006

If You Go Down To The Woods Today...

Q: What do you call a French bear attack victim?

A: Claude

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

Monday, 4 December 2006

Travis Bickle: Man of Jokes

Travis Fickle

Travis Pickle

Travis Sickle-cell Anemia

Philosophy in Action

Q: Do bears shit in the woods?

A: No, they use a toilet like other gay people.

Sunday, 3 December 2006

A New Low

Q: What do you call a man with a car and a misspelt citrus fruit on his head?

A: Jack Lemmon

Saturday, 2 December 2006

Michael Jackson Lightbulbesque Joke

Q: How many men does it take to change Michael Jackson?

A: Only one, but he has to be IN the Mirror.

Lightbulb Joke

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only the one, but must REALLY want to change.

A Funny Tern

I can't take credit for either joke, however I am the first person I know to combine them.

Friday, 1 December 2006

Encoding Jokes 2: The Dreaded Return

Q: Why does Noah never look anamorphic?

A: Because he always uses his ARC.

(For those with real, meaningful jobs this means Aspect Ratio Converter)

Cutty Sarky

Or Sarky Cutty Sark or Cutting Sark.