Thursday, 30 July 2009

Now for something completely different

Where do you keep old muesli?

In a mueslium

Apart from this one anyways...

Where do all the geordie loose women live?

This will be the last funny place name joke. I promise.*

Q: Where do randy French men like to go?

A: Here.

*Not strictly a real promise.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Quantum Physics 2

Q. How was Sam in Quantum Leap outclassed in his David Bowie impersonation?

A. Ziggy played guitar

Quantum Physics

Q. Why couldn't Sam quantum leap into Tim Burton?

A. Because Al is in Wonderland

Monday, 27 July 2009

Big Man On Campus

Q: Why should you always praise Robert Altman, but never David Fincher?

A: Don't hate The Player, hate The Game.

More GoogleMaps humour.

Q: On which road in London do cows go to eat?

A: Here.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Your Mum.

Q: Where does your Mum live?

A: Here.

Friday, 24 July 2009

From out of Nowhere

Why was the pilot able to see the faraway drawing pins strewn in his path before take-off?

Because he was tack-seeing down the runway

Thursday, 23 July 2009

The Secrets Of International Diplomacy

Ping Pong Sing Song

Q: What do Roger Federer and a chat-room groomer have in common?

A: They both lurk about the net looking to smash little balls.

could use a little work! Any suggestions?

Saturday, 18 July 2009

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Flogging The Unfunny Horse

Mr Pantomime: "Sorry, do you know where my best years are?"

Mr Entertainment History: "They're behind you!"

Unfunnily Unseasonal

Q: Sorry, do you know where Pantomime Street is?

A: It's behind you!

Wednesday, 8 July 2009


Which affable cockney actor likes to cut the dermis off prostitutes and parade around in jackets made from their desecrated flesh?

Bob Ho-skins

Monday, 6 July 2009

There Is No Redemption For This One

Q: How do Germans greet a Hollywood star who's just been released after a night in the cells?

A: Guten Morgan Freeman.

Better read than said number whatever number it is

Why do they only employ Australians or New Zealanders as dean at the multi-faith ant/ hippo university?

Because they're ant-hippo-deans

Friday, 3 July 2009

Hello ladies - No. 2 (essentially the same joke as the previous one)

Q: Why couldn't any of the women understand the single man's handwriting?

A: Because he was an illegible bachelor.

Hello ladies - No. 1

Q: Why did all the women want to use the same kitchen utensil to flip their pancakes?

A: Because it was an eligible spatula.