Friday, 28 March 2008

Sarkozy's New Playing Field

Q: Who is the most conservative player at Arsenal?

A: Kolo Tory. But Eboue is more right wing. And Gallas is a right cunt.

Courtesy of Mike "Prince" Albert. Top work from a top chap.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008


Why does the easter bunny suffer from PMT?

Too much easter-ogen


Q: What do green eggs and ham have in common with the ancient greeks?
A: Zeus

Dog eggs

Q:What do embryologists and Easter have in common?
A: Eggs


Q: Why are squirrels so jealous of teachers?
A: Because they are not invited to the NUT conference.

left right left...

Q:Why did the Generals troops do most of the things he said most of the time.

A:Because he was generally speaking.

Monday, 24 March 2008

Historical (s)laughter

Q. What's the funniest bank holiday film epic?

A. Ben hur hur hur he he he ha ha

Catches flies just like flies....

Q: Why is Spiderman so good at Free Running?

A: Because by day he is Peter Parkour.

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Which came first...?

Q: Why did all the Hens rise up and overthrow the head Cock on the farm?

A: It was a Chicken Coup.

Sunday, 16 March 2008

Obvious, really...

What type of insect eats mosques?

A Mosque-eato

Friday, 14 March 2008

For Fuck's Sake, Not Again....

Q: Where in the USA do they go to watch the likes of Andy Murray, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal?

A: Tennessee.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Scraping The Bottom Of Dionysus's Barrel

Athenian: "There's not much to see on Crete."

Spartan: "Really?!? What about the Palace of Knossos? Gortyn? The ruins of Phaistos?"

Athenian: "Apparently alls thats there is a minor tour."

Said best in a Cornish accent for some reason.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Generic Police joke...

Q: Why don't the Police like emails?

A: Because they like to stick to the fax.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Heroes of the New Romantics: The Cumin League

More Crisps Fun

What type of crisps do Muslim leaders eat?

Sultan Vinegar

Dirty Rat & Stool Pigeon flavour

What type of crisps do the mafia eat?

Mobster Munch

Someone must've made this joke before...

Which Greek Goddess has the most seventies hair style?


Tick, Tick, Tick, BOOM!

Q: Why are suicide bombers popular at parties?

A: Because they like to have a blast.

Absolutely, definately been made before.

Monday, 10 March 2008

Footballing Meccas No. 5: The Deva Stadium

Footballing Meccas No. 4: The Dell

La Mecque Du Football, Numéro Trois

The Patron Of Selective Hearing

Q: Why did Zeus never do what his wife told him to?

A: Because he couldn't Hera.

Ooh, What A Gas!

Q: How do the Greek Gods know how much energy they are consuming on Mount Olympus?

A: They look at Demeter.

Footballing Meccas No. 2: The Gay Meadow

Footballing Meccas No. 1: Craven Cottage

Too highbrow, historically inaccurate and not funny... but I'm posting it anyway, so stick that in yer pipe and smoke it.

What did the British amabassador to China say to Chairman Mao when he said he reckoned Britain wouldn't give up its Far Eastern holdings in the wake of World War II?

Do you want Tibet?

Contraceptive Inspector

Why was the defendant's confession rejected after it was revealed the police had bullied him into signing by sticking a condom on his head?

Because it was obtained under Durex


What is the Greek God of the Sea's favourite game?

Poseidon Seek


What is the Greek God of the Sea's favourite game?

Poseidon Seek

Scoop: Trappist in Speaking Fury!

What type of paper do South American Buddhist camelids read?

The Daily Llama

Yeah, I know it's the name of the doctor and not the monster...

Which type of curry does Frankenstein most like to get down his neck?


I can't be bothered to think of a proper title for this joke...

What is a mollusc's favourite industrial band?

Nine Inch Snails

Ear trumpet

Q: What do deaf people like watching?

A: Hi-Def

Catch me if you can

Q: What did the Tomato say to the chip as he passed him in a running race?

A: Ketch-up


Q: Why did Fred West say in an interview to the police that he would have made a good childrens broadcaster?

A: Because he had a young captive audience.

A sequence of on and off switches

Q: What do you call a load of 1's and 0's being spun round in a Tombola?

A: A digital revolution


Q: What do you call someone that listens to suicidal whiney guitar based music who hasn't got a face for TV?

A: Radiohead

Thursday, 6 March 2008

Vauxhall Roundhead

Have you heard about the English Civil War? Apparently we had a bit of tiff, but then were very polite and apologetic about it afterwards.

Phonetic Formula Fails Thoroughly

Q: Why is 16 the favourite number for fans of Rubik's Cube?

A: Because it's four squared, people.

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

I fell over

I fell over and bashed my head on the sink yesterday,or was it today I'm unsure..? I think I must have passed out with the pain.The funny thing is when I awoke I had this vision, a weird dream... so I nobbled a couple of Ibuprofens..The vision bugged me so I thought I would draw a sketch of what I saw...

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Old gits

Q: What do misserable, old, grumpy, red faced, post-menstrual, women like to chew on for a sugar hit?
A:Whine Gums

Monday, 3 March 2008

Not Nacho Men

Q: Why were the Builder, Soldier, Cop, Cowboy, Lumberjack and Indian Chief uncomfortable in the city?

A: Because they were more Village People.


Q:What fish is known to like a rest?



Q:What do stingrays like to watch?
A: X-ray-ted videos

Hardly Elysium Fields

Q: How does Hades get reception in the Underworld?

A: He uses his Persephone.