Thursday, 31 January 2008

This region of low pressure will last a thousand years!

What do Nazis say when the weather turns a bit?

Sleet! Hail!

Space face

Q: What do spacemen play when bored.?
A: Astro-naughts and Crosses.

Wednesday, 30 January 2008


Why are vultures such big fans of Kenneth Williams?

Because he made carrion films

Abel & Cole? Make That Cain.

Q: Which vegetable asphyxiates with a certain style?

A: An Artichoke.

Monday, 28 January 2008

Dirty joke

Q: Which vegetable sometimes comes out of your bum?

A: A pootato.

Friday, 25 January 2008

When Good Musketeers Go Bad

Q: Why does D'Artagnan always carry a universal remote control with him?

A: Because it's One For All.

A collaboration with Plunge

I can 'trump' that. Actually, I probably can't, but it's not a bad title.

Which reference chart is used to measure a pahyderm's menstrual cycle?

The periodic table of elephants

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Zoo zoo zoo zaa zaaa da doo!

Q: Which legendary jazz vocalist can be found at the zoo?

A: Ella Phantsgerrald.

An elephant never forgets a great joke.

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

A: An irrelephant.

Sick joke.

Q: Why did the tutor die?

A: They had Teaching AIDS.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008


"You know Yazoo?" she asked me.

"What?!" I replied. "I have a zoo?"

Alice through the Looking Arse

I saw a little man the other day, like a little elf or something, and he was making a rope out of some string, but at the same time he was swearing at everyone like he had tourettes or something. It was definitely imp roper behaviour.

Alice in Plunderland

I met a little man with a beard and pointed hat the other day. He was holding a little fishing rod.

"Hello little man," I said, "What sort of creature are you?"

"Can't talk, tick tock tick tock," he said, "I've got to catch a train on the Paris underground, tick tock tick tock tick tock."

He was a metro-gnome.

Lacking a-tyre

I bought a new sieve the other day. The one I picked out is covered in arty pics of semi-naked women. It's the 2008 Pirelli colander.

Monday, 21 January 2008

Manila Ice-Cream

Q: Why did the dyslexic Fillipino kid with love for candy end up working for Nike?

A: He thought he had got a job in a sweetshop.

Art that didn't quite catch on #1

Monkeying Around

Bob: Say, Bill, why do you hang around with that Gorilla and Chimpanzee more than any of your human friends?

Bill: They're my prime mates.

Friday, 18 January 2008

A rum pun

The other day there was a freak accident in the supermarket, and I got hit in the face with a pineapple, a bottle of rum and a coconut. It was a pina collider.

Thursday, 17 January 2008


What do Aztecs smoke?


Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Robots in the Skies

Well, It's No Ocelot

Q: Which feline is inconsequential?

A: A Meerkat.

Bad, cheap & Spaced out

Q:Why were space scientists and space enthusiasts so pleased about the murder of the suffolk prostitutes?

A: Because they were all found dead and their bodies were spaced out in an area of 20 square miles in the space of 11 days.

Tuesday, 15 January 2008


Q: Why was Henry VIII known as Henry VIII?
A: Because he thought if he always bought more than an eighth per week that people would think he had a problem.

Monday, 14 January 2008

Perverting the Course of Justice

I got mugged the other day by a man wearing a gimp suit and pointing a gun. It was armed rubbery.

Thursday, 10 January 2008

Inset cheap 'chopper' joke here.

Q: Which one of Henry VIII's wives liked to play Skittles?

A: Anne Bowling.

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Has everyone seen that Irn Bru advert?

Which former chorister has the whitest complexion?

Pallid Jones

Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Thats why mums gone to the photocopier room.

Q: Which ex Atomic Kitten member now works as a photocopier maintainance person?

A: Kerry Katoner cartridge.

Monday, 7 January 2008

My grandmother has a great recipe for this.

Q: Which fish based hot beverage should you never refuse?

A: A good pot of tuna tea.

Sunday, 6 January 2008

When in Rome

Q: Why was the Roman warrior licking his lips and jumping for joy after eating his girlfriend?

A: He was Glad-he-ate-her...

Les Froggs

Q:Why couldn't the European leaders prize the French President out from under his lovely feather filled duvet in his big bed by the fire?

A: Because he was So Kozy

Hip Hop is Fashionable

Saturday, 5 January 2008

Tick Tock Hip Hop

It seems the league is out of the question. Bugger.

Who is the most studious Liverpool player?

John Arne Research

Thursday, 3 January 2008

mars attacks

Q:Where might a member of royalty reside to eat ones Mars Bar?
A: In the Royal Mars Den

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Sofa potato

Q: Why did so many people want to meet the laziest man in the world?

A: Because he was into resting.