Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Switch on....

Q: Why wouldn't the electrician fix the broken plug?

A: Because he had to refuse.

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Must Try Harder

Q: Which athletics event makes a really good essay question?

A: Discus.

Monday, 29 December 2008

Come To Bournemouth!

Q: Where in England does everyone go around plastered in corporate sponsorship?

A: In Dorset.

Saturday, 27 December 2008

1000th Joke! Let's Make Fun Of Little People

Q: How do midgets get around town?

A: In minicabs.

Q: How do midget criminals get around town?

A: In illegal minicabs.

Thanks to FB with that one. Well done to us lot, proof that we are all about quantity over quality!

Thats One Fine Ass

Q: Why was the donkey wearing fuck-me boots?

A: Because they were whore shoes.

The Goldmine That Is The French Language

Q: Where do French eyes go swimming?

A: At the les yeux centre.

Steady Hands

Q: Which Mongolian warlord's empire was built of loads of wooden blocks?

A: Jengas Khan.

Friday, 26 December 2008


Which pioneering electronic music guy has to be assembled from small plastic parts and then painted as per the instructions?

The Airfix Twin

A big thanks to my brother for the punchline

Why should traders on the stock market buy up lots of priests?

Because they're good in vestments

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

I think this might have been made before...

Q: What is Fidel Castro's favourite pastime?

A: Cuba Diving.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008


Q: What happened nine months after the two butchers got married?

A: They heard the platter of tiny meat.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Tokyo's Latest Craze

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

They Are Wicked At Charades

Q: Which French city is always painting their face and prancing around in public thoroughfares pretending to be in an invisible box and generally acting like pricks?

A: Marseille Marceau.

They have a duet of water cabinets there, you know

Which French city has the highest incidence of male genital warts?

Tool ooze

Monday, 15 December 2008

Star Wars Episode 6: The Return To Normality

Q: Where did Darth Maul go to get his wicked face tats?

A: Tattooink.

Star Wars Episode 5: The Tutsi's Strike Back

Q: Which Star Wars character committed mass genocide in rwanda?

A: Jabba The Hutu.

Star Wars Episode 4: A New Low

Q: What type of music was being played at the incident of the previous two jokes?

A: Gabba The Hut.

Star Wars Episode 3: The Revenge Of The Lisp

Q: Which Star Wars character died of an overdose during one of the preceeding joke's sets?

A: Princess Leia Betts.

Star Wars Episode 2: Attack Of The Groans

Q: Which Star Wars character is the best at mixing pumping choons?

A: Darth Cross Fader.

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Punchline

Q: Which Star Wars character has a great aptitude for detecting homosexuals?

A: Darth Gaydar.

Fyodor er, sex-toyevsky (sort of works)

What was the name of Dostoyevsky's little-known porn novel?

Hymen Punishment

Well, there's no need for that sort of language

What did the foul-mouthed driving instructor say to the enlightenment philosopher who wasn't able to work the clutch?

It's Emmanuel, Kant!

Apropos of nothing

Why are straight-edgers rubbish at woodwork?

Because they don't have any vices

Xmas Jolly #4

Q) What country supplies the animals to pull Santa's sleigh?

A) R'India

Xmas Jolly #3

Q) What's Father Christmas's favourite band?

A) The Santa Corrs

Xmas Jolly #2

Q) What does Father Christmas use to smooth rough surfaces?

A) Sant paper

Xmas Jolly #1

Q) Where does Father Christmas go on holiday?

A) Santa Francisco

Friday, 12 December 2008

Why are all my jokes so borderline xenophobic?

What is the incendiary weapon of choice for Jewish people when they fancy a bit of a riot?

The mozzel toff cocktail

Friday, 5 December 2008

Fun with Islam

Why were the Imams rounded up and charged with disturbing the peace?

Because they were running a mosque

Tuesday, 2 December 2008


Q: Why does Miles Davis get spunked on so often?

A: 'Cos he's in loads of jazz mags.

Pampered Pampers

Did you hear that Huggies have commissioned Grace Jones to write  a song for their new nappy for fat infants? It's called Pull-ups for the Bumper Baby.

Very little, very late

Q. Which cult film director can be found raving to a bit of  90s eurodance?

A. Quentin Tarantino, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no limit

Monday, 1 December 2008

Here's Our Graham!

Getting On Yer High Horse

Q: Which Evertonian is fond of horse tranquilisers?

A: Tim K-Hole.

Thanks to Mike Albert, continuing his good work...