This region of low pressure will last a thousand years!
What do Nazis say when the weather turns a bit?
Sleet! Hail!
Thursday, 31 January 2008
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Monday, 28 January 2008
Friday, 25 January 2008
When Good Musketeers Go Bad
Q: Why does D'Artagnan always carry a universal remote control with him?
A: Because it's One For All.
A collaboration with Plunge
I can 'trump' that. Actually, I probably can't, but it's not a bad title.
Which reference chart is used to measure a pahyderm's menstrual cycle?
The periodic table of elephants
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Zoo zoo zoo zaa zaaa da doo!
Q: Which legendary jazz vocalist can be found at the zoo?
A: Ella Phantsgerrald.
An elephant never forgets a great joke.
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Alice through the Looking Arse
I saw a little man the other day, like a little elf or something, and he was making a rope out of some string, but at the same time he was swearing at everyone like he had tourettes or something. It was definitely imp roper behaviour.
Alice in Plunderland
I met a little man with a beard and pointed hat the other day. He was holding a little fishing rod.
"Hello little man," I said, "What sort of creature are you?"
"Can't talk, tick tock tick tock," he said, "I've got to catch a train on the Paris underground, tick tock tick tock tick tock."
He was a metro-gnome.
Lacking a-tyre
I bought a new sieve the other day. The one I picked out is covered in arty pics of semi-naked women. It's the 2008 Pirelli colander.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Manila Ice-Cream
Q: Why did the dyslexic Fillipino kid with love for candy end up working for Nike?
A: He thought he had got a job in a sweetshop.
Monkeying Around
Bob: Say, Bill, why do you hang around with that Gorilla and Chimpanzee more than any of your human friends?
Bill: They're my prime mates.
Friday, 18 January 2008
A rum pun
The other day there was a freak accident in the supermarket, and I got hit in the face with a pineapple, a bottle of rum and a coconut. It was a pina collider.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
Bad, cheap & Spaced out
Q:Why were space scientists and space enthusiasts so pleased about the murder of the suffolk prostitutes?
A: Because they were all found dead and their bodies were spaced out in an area of 20 square miles in the space of 11 days.
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Henry
Q: Why was Henry VIII known as Henry VIII?
A: Because he thought if he always bought more than an eighth per week that people would think he had a problem.
Monday, 14 January 2008
Perverting the Course of Justice
I got mugged the other day by a man wearing a gimp suit and pointing a gun. It was armed rubbery.
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Inset cheap 'chopper' joke here.
Q: Which one of Henry VIII's wives liked to play Skittles?
A: Anne Bowling.
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Has everyone seen that Irn Bru advert?
Which former chorister has the whitest complexion?
Pallid Jones
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
Thats why mums gone to the photocopier room.
Q: Which ex Atomic Kitten member now works as a photocopier maintainance person?
A: Kerry Katoner cartridge.
Monday, 7 January 2008
My grandmother has a great recipe for this.
Q: Which fish based hot beverage should you never refuse?
A: A good pot of tuna tea.
Sunday, 6 January 2008
When in Rome
Q: Why was the Roman warrior licking his lips and jumping for joy after eating his girlfriend?
A: He was Glad-he-ate-her...
Les Froggs
Q:Why couldn't the European leaders prize the French President out from under his lovely feather filled duvet in his big bed by the fire?
A: Because he was So Kozy
Saturday, 5 January 2008
It seems the league is out of the question. Bugger.
Who is the most studious Liverpool player?
John Arne Research
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Sofa potato
Q: Why did so many people want to meet the laziest man in the world?
A: Because he was into resting.
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