Dept. of Elf

One day a man is walking down the street, when all of a sudden, a little elf appears from nowhere.

"Ah, hello!" says the elf, "It's your lucky day! Just tell me what you want, and I'll make that wish come true!"

The man thinks to himself a while, and thinks about his marriage, and how he hasn't had good satisfying sex with his wife in years. So he decides to ask for something to provide more fun in the bedroom. He whispers his request in the elf's ear.

"Ah, OK," replies the elf, and waves his little elf wand, "Your wish is my command!"

So the man runs home, to check out his elf gift before his wife gets home. He runs into his bedroom, and finds, to his surprise, in place of his bed is a horrible, crusty, stained old mattress.

"What's this?!" he screams.

Suddenly the elf appears beside him again.

"What's the problem?" the elf asks.

"You stupid damn elf!" the man replies, "I asked for a filthy mistress!"