I was at the beach in Russia the other day when I spotted a jetski out on the water... Then I noticed there was a whole load of them... There was Ilya Jetski, Vladimir Jetski, Sergei Jetski, Boris Jetski, Aleksei Jetski...
Why were bald men not allowed to speak during World War II?
Because hairless talk costs lives
Q: Why did Satan get dressed up in fancy dress when crossing the Atlantic in an areoplane?
A: Because he was the Devil in de skies.
Q) Who's the moodiest it-girl in the Shire?
A) Peaches Gandalf
Q) Why did Abraham Lincoln always wear a t-shirt?
A) Because he had the right to bare arms
Q: Why are referees getting fustrated and annoyed?
A: Because there are so many other whistleblowers at the moment.
Which Israeli politician was most responsible for bringing the internet to the Holy Land?
Benjamin Net 'n' Yahoo!
Q: Why was Cesc Fabregas so embarassed and crying in Arsene Wengers arms..?
A: Because he was caught by his manager with his razor in hand bent over 'Arse-shaving' the newest player from Russia in the showers...
Q: Which city is populated by cannibals who like to consume thier former lovers?
A: Exeter.
Why, after creating a virulent flesh-eating disease, did the virologist give his young child to his sister to coo and fuss over?
Because he wanted to make an auntie dote
Why did the writer's block-stricken author of detective fiction decide to leave the creation of his next novel to a bisected traffic calming prop and a can of Castrol GTX?
Because he'd heard that many of the genre's great works had been written by half a cone and oil
Why did the little boy start swearing uncontrollably when his parents gave him a pair of verminous rodents as a birthday present?
Because he had two rats syndrome
