Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Five pounds and sixty two pence only, guv.

I've got this friend, Dave. Well, I say friend, but really he's a fish. An eel. But... That's not really why I say "Friend" like that though. I'm hestitant to call him a friend because he can be a bit of bastard sometimes, causing trouble, shoplifting, mugging people and the like. But hey, you know, he can be a laugh sometimes too.

Anyway, we were in the pub one day when in walked this banker type, shouting into his mobile phone, giving it all that.

"Watch this," said Dave, as he snuck up behind the banker, and slowly slithered his way into the bankers pocket and pulled out his wallet, all without the banker noticing.

Fuck, I thought, we're in trouble now.

But as it turned out Dave got back to our table with the wallet and no one was any the wiser.

"What did you do that for?" I asked him.

"Well, I thought he looked like some rich bastard, and you know there's a recession on... He can pay for our drinks this afternoon."

Well, I couldn't argue with that. So I took the wallet off Dave and had a look inside.

"Ah, you dumb fuck!" I said to him. "There's nothing in here but an old travel card and a book of second class stamps."

But just then, as luck would have it, the banker's friend walked into the pub and waved at his mate.

"Right," said Dave, "I'm going to go for it again."

"Fair enough," I told him. "I don't want to pay for my own beer."

And so that was the plan - rob new man with David, bad eel.