Jokeasaurus Rex

Which dinosaurs are always really indecisive when they go clothes shopping?

Try-several-tops

Golf balls

Q: How did the golfer celebrate?

A: He had a par tee.

Calcutta Condominium

this admittedly isnt one of mine but was just posted 30mins ago by someone i know...

why are indians so diabolical at birth control?
because they use poppadoms as contraception.

A bit base

What do you call a mentally handicapped lion?

A Leo 'tard

Convoluted

What do you call somebody who's due to inherit a large church seating and biro/ razor empire?

A pew-bic heir

Emerald

Whale Oil Beef Hooked...Try saying this fast, it makes you Irish

Friends: The One Where Chandler Goes a Bit Mental

A lost edit of the episode where Chandler freaks out on his wedding day.

Really just derivative of the Matthew Perry joke below but I thought 'Sod that I'm going to give it its own post' and anyone who objects: Bums to you!

Q: Which brand of car is within most poeple's financial means?

A: A Ford.

Obscure

Which mid 20th-Century cabaret star and actress was also a qualified electrician with a talent for eliminating noise in audio equipment?

Earther Kit

Just remembered I never posted this!

What kind of fireworks do pirates use?

Pirate-technics

A bad joke but it's no worse than an episode of Friends.

Q: Where in Hampshire does Matthew Perry park his Mondeo?

A: Chandler's Ford.

Coo Coo

Q: Why do the birds in Trafalgar Square need language lessons?

A: Because they only speak pidgin English.

I wasn't sure how to spell this punchline

What do you call someone who quotes contentious facts while raping children?

A Wikipediaphile

A topical joke. How very quick off the ball...

Q: Why is Peter Andre jealous of the head of the Catholic Church?

A: Because the Pope is in Jordan.

I'm not really sure what this would involve

Why did the man with scary forearms become dangerously radicalised when he was sent to prison?

Because he was put in a terror-wrist cell

Another tennis joke...

Which tennis player is famous for her rendition of 'Freak on a Leash'?

Anna KoRn-Cover

Warning: VERY obscure football joke

Which Liverpool reserve player was named in honour of a contest in which God beat the devil to a portion of coveted ants' urine?

God-win Ant-wee

I don't even like these kinds of jokes and I'm pretty sure someone must've made it before, but still... why not?

What do you call a man with no arms, legs or penis having sex?

Fuck nose

That can't be original, surely...

Some of this legal stuff can be a real maize

Why are the people of Iran so generous with their corn?

Because they live under share-ear law

Nothing For Money

Q: Why did Mark Knopfler look so distressed?

A: Because he was in Dire Straits.

IKEA fun!

IKEA have ran out of the names they use for their furniture and have started using the names of famous sportsmen and women of late. The latest addition to their kitchen range?

Anna Kornacupboard

I Can't See If This Works, But I Hope It Does!

Q: What do you call a person who thinks that the glasses are half full, but would be more useful with prescription lenses?

A: An Optometrist.

Who Wants To Be An Internet Pirate?

Q: Which quiz show host is super fast at downloading?

A:Chris Torrent.


Once again, kudos to Patrick Dalton for creating a masterpiece, strong work chum!

Hi, first time caller, long time listener....

In a derivation of the very respectable hue jokes, here's a little contribution of my own.

I hope it passes muster as a first attempt. 

Onwards and upwards, pip pip!