Long-winded music pun no. 3

Greg's friend Mick is a music producer. He'd just hooked up with some dappy bloke from some previous series of Big Brother. Who gives a shit what this guy's name was - no one can tell them apart anyway. So this Big Brother loser wanted to kick off his "solo music career", and his publicist had given Mick a big handful of cash to do it. "Fine," thought Mick, "I'll just give him some pointers, we'll bash out a one-hit wonder, get him in the papers and perhaps we'll sell some records." Mick was mercenary like that.

So they sit in the studio, and Mick runs through some ideas - some old classics spiced up with some syncopated drum machine beats, a few synth washes, and so on. Knock it out in a week and they'd have money left over for the video. The Big Brother bloke says he'll think about it and choose his "creative direction" after he's had a chat with his mum.

So they move onto the next phase of the operation. The publicist has booked BB bloke and Mick into a few of those god awful "celebrity parties" that disgrace the tabloid gossip pages. You know the sort - where the real work is done in front of the paparazzi on the red carpet out front.

"Right," says Mick to BB bloke, "Just act cool, OK? Pretend you're already famous."

"I am already famous," the identikit celeb protests. "In fact I -"

But before he can finish his sentence he spots something in the distance, and runs off full speed like a lion hunting a gazelle.

Mick watches the scene unfold with horror. BB bloke has run full steam into none other than Elton John, somehow managing to vault over the star's two broad bouncers, and tackled the flamboyant gay to the ground. Then, in one swift movement, to astonishment of onlookers, BB bloke rips off his coat, and throws it over the stunned Elton John's head.

Mick walks over slowly, not wanting to be associated with this bizarre spectacle, but curious as to what the fuck has just happened.

"What on earth did you do that for...?" he asked the bloke from Big Brother.

"Well," replies BB bloke, "You said you thought it would be a good idea for me to cover Elton John."

ah, so much effort for so little reward