Steve 'Hand' Jobs has missed an advertising opportunity

Why?

Q: Why did all the other Barcelona players ridicule their team mate for being into the popular international design movement from 1925 until 1939.

A: Because his football playing ability was "Art" -Deco

Quick Fire

Q: Which Barcelona football player is known to have the dirtiest locker?
A: Messi

Let me entertain you.

Look at this Homemade Joke.

I am a joke

Is Ever Too Soon?

Q: What do R Kelly and Elisabeth Fritzl have in common?

A: They were both trapped in the closet.

Presidents

In an interview printed recently in The New York Times about President Bashar Al-ASAD.The article described him as having a penchant for Puffin Chunks and Bottled Bacon.

When questioned by CNN on the antics of President Bashar AL-ASAD, George Bush was overheard saying..."Is this Serious".

Mermaid

Two Aerials got married, the church was shit but the reception was amazing!

Mobe-i'll try and make a funny here

Q: What do you call it when you lose your mobile signal when you're in the car?

A: Car-board cut out

Joke does not compute.

Q: Why does my computer's hard disk think its a sucessful musician?

A: Becuase its got lots of gigs.

As gay as the knight is long

Q) Why did the knight get in trouble for accidentally ripping his king's armour?

A) He'd broken the chainmail of command.

Monkey Business #2

Q) What's a monkey's favourite film?

A) The Great Esc-Ape

Monkey Business #1

Q) What social networking website do monkeys use?

A) Face Ook!

I love tennis jokes.

Q: Why was the woman who played tennis so shocked when her husband dumped her?

A: Because she 40-Loved her.

Deaf Jam

I had a friend who went deaf. He had to learn to talk in sign language. Unfortunately all he could say was Stop, Go, Slow, Give Way and Children Crossing.

Too soon?

I hear the trains from Paddington are really bad, people can find themselves hanging around at the station for up to six days.

And a one, and a two, and one two three...

Q: What do you call a serviette that sings Jazz?

A: Napkin Cole.

And to think they grew up into those naughty Iraqis...

Which ancient people ate the most rusks?

The Baby-lonians

UN Joke Atrocity

Q: Did you hear about the new car on the market that can fit two mercenaries in the front and three child soldiers in the back?

A: It's called the Ford Sierra Leone.

It's What All The Hipsters In Yerevan Are Wearing

Can't believe nobody thought of this one before!

Why didn't the roll-on deodorant like the spray deodorant?

Because he was an aerosol

Word!

Why don't gangster rappers believe in traditional medicine?

Because they prefer homie-opathy

The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one at this time of night with the roadworks on the M1

Which classic science fiction author liked to drive a lorry?

HGV Wells

If Authors Were Fish #1

Better When not Told Than Told

A: I went to the Channel Islands at the weekend. It was so cold I had to put on an extra layer of clothing.

B: Jersey?

A: No, I think it was a tank top.

Bit of a stretch...

What do eskimoes say when their suspicions are confirmed over some matter or other?

Inuit!

Everything I know about fashion, I learned from Back to the Future

Which designer label likes to climb steep slopes?

Calv Incline

Apocalypse soon. Just let me finish this game first...

Which actor is most fond of Chinese tile games?

Mah-jong Brando

Gorvinda

Q: Which BBC Journalist is a massive fan of Kula Shaker?

A: "George Alagiah - giah

George Alagiah - giah

Radha - ramanahari

George Alagiah - giah"

Welcome to the Jungle... of the psyche!

Who is the most self-conscious rock band in the world?

Guns 'n' Neuroses